In Silence

I like it when we’re together.

Did I say like up there?

I love it when we’re together,

In Silence.

 

We’d sit side by side,

Arms grazing each other with the littlest movement.

We’d look everywhere but beside,

Creating pictures only our minds can see.

 

In silence,

Our breathing collides and creates it rhythm,

In silence,

We say many words, our mouths won’t speak.

 

After time has gone,

You finally look my way,

You say “Where has your mind gone?”

I shake my head, maintaining the silence.

 

Saying nothing, sometimes says the most – Emily Dickenson

 

 

Things Change

1991

A bright-eyed 6 year old walks into a room full of adults. With a cheerful smile,she greets politely.
Her parents are beaming with pride, their friends are looking with admiration.

One of them calls her to come closer.

Let’s name her ‘Debo.

Adult: ‘Debo, you’re such a big girl now, how’s school
‘Debo: School is fine, aunty. I’m learning lots of stuff everyday.
Adult 2: What do you want to be in future?
‘Debo: *with so much excitement* I want to be a doctor
Parents: LOL!
Mummy: I think you’ll be a lawyer
Daddy: Nah! An engineer

*Everyone laughs together, ‘Debo tra-la-las away*

2014

A sulking 6 year old walks into a room full of adults. With uninterested eyes, she says a hasty hello and runs to her mum.

Let’s name her Tosin.

Tosin: Mummy please can I play with your ipad?
Mum: Not till you greet aunty and uncle properly
*Uncle and aunty fake laugh, Tosin grudgingly walks there*
Tosin: Good afternoon, uncle and aunty
Uncle: How are you my dear?
Tosin: I’m fine :)
Aunty: School is great?
Tosin: Yes
Aunty: You know what you want to be in future yet?
Tosin: *giggles nervously* I’m not sure yet. Maybe a musician or a blogger
Parents: Hahaha! She already knows so much.

Things change brethren, things change. Ask Linda.

It’s not you, it’s me.

This is the part where you call me in.
This is the part where we sit, an air of discomfort swirling around us
This is the part where you look me in the eyes and say with a broken voice “What went wrong?”
This is the part when I look in your eyes with uncertainty and attempt to proceed

***

“It’s not you, it’s me
I’m bored. I’m jaded. I just can’t go on.
I’m in dire need of some new kinda activity. Something different. Something new.
I didn’t grow out of you. I just…”

My voice trails off when I see your look

***

“Don’t patronize me!” you scream
WHAT. WENT. WRONG?!

***

I look at you, rise from my chair and walk towards the door.
I take one more look at you
“Nothing went wrong.” I say
“It really isn’t you, it’s me.”

***

This is the part where I walk away
This is the part when I hope you call me back
This is the part when I hope we would have another conversation when you’ve cooled off
This is the part when I hold on to that hope.

The Old Sofa

My name is Jack’s. Jack’s Sofa. I belong to Jack.

I’ve been with him for eight years now. When Jack was in his finals in graduate school, he got me. He had said he needed to own something to start out with his life. I was lying just by the corner in the furniture store when he came in. I snickered at his youthful poise and told my friends at the store – Old cushion and Rocking chair – that surely he had come for old cushion ’cause he could never afford me.

You see, I wasn’t proud back then. I just knew who I was. A bright, soft, comfortable sofa. I was the kind of sofa you brought your homies home to settle on. I was homely, dependable and soft. Oh so soft! I was all-purpose too. You could take my cushions off and roll my insides out for an overnight rest. I was simply all a young man needed. Certainly not this young man, I was out of his league.

I was wrong. Jack had all it took to get me! The sweet softness and charisma to convince Gloria to let me go at a reasonable price, the light in his eyes when he described how much he wanted me, the enthusiasm when he counted all he had and paid for me. He said “This sofa is all I want and more” and with that, I bid farewell to Old cushion and Rocking chair, I was off to be delivered at Jack’s.

I got my name in the first two weeks after I was delivered. Jack was trying to move out and start out with his life, so he put me at the corner of the house in the mean time. Everyone that passed couldn’t help asking: Whose pretty sofa is this? You know the response. “It’s Jack’s. Jack’s Sofa”.

Jack and I and all his few belongings moved into a studio flat soon after. He was everything I wanted too. He’d handle me with care and keep me away when his boozing friends came around. He never wanted anything to happen to me. I stayed bright, soft and dependable.

Then, things changed. Jack changed.

Jack was moving ahead with his life, so he decided to redecorate his flat. He got a complete set of chairs for the living room with a proud sofa at the center. Then, he tossed me behind the house as a storage space. When anything needed fixing in the house; he’d say “I’ll just put it on the old sofa till I can get it sorted”.

I wish Jack wouldn’t use me this way, but he would, he doesn’t care much anymore. So today I decided I needed fixing too. I let out my springs and shot them deep into some item he’d dropped on me for fixing.

Now, he’d have to fix me too.

 Or throw me out.

***

Sometimes I stand at a distance and look at me

I see her
Walking languidly
Keeping the weight of the world steady on her shoulders
The zeal and agility that once shook her core, gone

I stand apart and look again

I see her
Walking gracefully
With such poise and strength
Assertive in every stride

I see me
A living oxymoron
Happily sad
Enchanted and repelled
Within and without
Demure and Wild
Peaceful yet violent

I see me lost, yet found.

All the bright and beautiful things in this world fade
Or do they brighten up?