Of Tyres and Death

The funniest thing happened to me this morning.

Let’s take two steps back.

Few weeks ago, I was at Obalende, en route home. There was a little fiasco afar off, people gathered, chanting different things. Some were stuck on “Ole” (that’s thief in yoruba) others on “Kill him” and some others again begging silently for mercy. I asked some passerby what he stole, he said gala. You know gala? That hard supposed sausage roll we consume in traffic that goes for fifty bucks. Yeah that. That dude was about to be sent to his grave for it.

I’ll move on.

I took a bus to work this morning. I was in front next to the driver. See ehn, I live at the end of Lagos and I work on the Island, so I leave my house in the middle of the night – 5 a.m. – to beat traffic and get to work in good time. It’s the life of a hustler, I know.

I’ll move on, again.

I spend the commute sleeping, as expected, so this morning, I was asleep. Unusually sound asleep too. Suddenly the driver taps me and hands me money, I hold it and sleep back. He taps me again and hands me more! It was at this point I realized passengers were passing their fares to him from behind and he was handing them to me so he could concentrate on driving. After everyone had paid, he said to count the money, the expected sum was 5,500, I had 5,400.

He shouted “Who never pay o!, the money never complete” I drifted off again.

I woke up when I realized the bus had stopped moving.

I woke up to angry shouting passengers.

You see, from the 5,400 accumulated, two passengers were gonna collect change summing up to 900 bucks!

ONE WHOLE THOUSAND NAIRA WAS MISSING!

Oh, the bus was filled with angry people, I say.

We spent the next twenty minutes tryna find four people who hadn’t paid. Everyone swore they had. The driver said he wouldn’t move an inch till he got his complete sum. They all continually screamed in frustration.

I sat still, blank eyed, wondering why I woke up in the first place.

Someone suggested we help the situation and contribute 50 bucks each for the guy. I dipped my hand in the side zip of my bag – where I put my change – to contribute my quota.

I found a stray 1,000 naira note.

You know the rest of the story.

7 thoughts on “Of Tyres and Death

  1. Here’s where I insert two endings. Alternative a,is where you get slapped,punched and scratched in no particular order for swiping 1k. No one knows where that chain reaction will end.

    Alternative b,is where divine wisdom shuts your mouth and you champion the ‘let’s contribute N50 each’ course. Let me know your final decision,looooool.

    Great piece.

    • ROTFL! It was closer to alternative b, without the championing part.
      Thank you for stopping by, do come back.

  2. Thank you for stopping by please come back? Oh you better reply and say the same to me!

  3. LOL. This was hilarious. I don’t know why I’m here. Moving on.

    I’m trying to imagine my reaction if I was the one with the “conveniently missing” yes, conveniently, 1000 Naira note. The Schadenfreude says “beating should have occurred”.
    Best Answer: Smile, Go back to sleep. Until you get suspected i.e.

    Thank you for stopping by, do come back.

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